Roller Derby = World Peace

Posted on June 14, 2011


I have the answer for world peace and it looks a little bit like this:

Who knew that 25 buxom wenches dressed head to toe in spandex, with their junk all on display, would become the new Ghandi-esque force?

I went to watch Roller Derby at the Adelaide Showgrounds on Saturday night with a few friends for a bit of a laugh, but I came away genuinely inspired.

There were about 1000 people there that night and it was the most comprehensive cross-section of western society I have ever seen.

There were babies, young children, old people, baby boomers, gays, straights, hard-to-tells, eastern suburbanites, northern suburbanites, rockabillies, indies, handlebar moustachieds, businessmen, families, couples, handicapables, fashionistas, derros, drunks, sobers, stoners, popped collared types, no collar types, teenagers, skaters, RM Williams Crew, Asians, brown faces, rangas, internationals and so it went on.

That night we all put aside these differences and came together as a united force to cheer as chicks shamelessly steamrolled each other on a concrete floor.

Spectators were packed in like sardines, forced to share personal space, fighting to fit camping chairs and blankets around the rink, spilling beer and churros on each other as we walked past; and yet the whole thing was entirely peaceful.

Every time a player took a hit, we all cheered. Every time a player got up again, we all cheered. Every time someone did something amazing, we all cheered. Cheering was rambunctious, indiscriminate and cathartic.

Whether you were barracking for the cute, peaked cap-wearing Salty Dolls or the sultry, dirty Mile Die Club, there was love to spare. I rocked the Mile Dies because I like busty underdogs*.

Roller Derby brings people together

After two hours of slamming into each other at breakneck speed, concussions and blood noses were put aside and the Roller Derby wenches rushed the field and began embracing – in some cases quite literally – their opponents (faux-angry-lesbianesque-Roller-Derby-love FTW).

International leaders and religious authorities, take note: You want to sort something out? Rock the Roller Derby. Got differences you can’t resolve? Fight it out in the rink.

Who needs ballistic missiles or middle class passive aggression when you have epic breasts on wheels to defuse the tension?

Yours in spandex,


*My Roller Derby name would be ‘Sunday Crush’**.

**My team name (thanks to Shannon) would be ‘In God We Crush’***

***I think I would rule at Roller Derby