Conversations you can only have with someone on drugs

Posted on May 13, 2011


Dedicated to Brant of the Happy High Herbs company.

One March evening, a friend and I were wandering through the Garden of Unearthly Delights.  In between carnie-spotting and eating crepes we stumbled across a glassy eyed, blonde haired guy named Brant who was manning the Happy High Herbs stall.

Happy High Herbs sells a range of herbal supplements designed – as Brant explained – to “mimic a range of illicit yet completely natural” mental experiences.

Their range includes potions and pills for everything from sexual stimulation to relaxation. I noted a green bottle which contained pills for a “carefree and easy, wide smile kind of feeling”, and all of this without the expense or hygiene issues presented by so many substance abuse issues and public toilets these days…

Sadly for me, Brant was only dealing in cash and I only had a card – which, had I been so inclined, I could have used to arrange a neat line of faux cocaine on aforementioned public toilet.

Me:     So what does this stuff do?

Brant: Blah blah blah blah blah.

Me:     So it’s like taking drugs without taking drugs.

Brant:  Blah blah blah blah blah.

Me:     So there’s no chance of overdosing or becoming schizophrenic?

Brant: Blah blah no blah blah laxative effect blah blah.

Me:     Interesting.  Have you ever thought about your branding?

Brant: ?

Me:     As in how you present yourself and your products to the public.

Brant: Blah ? blah ? blah.

Me:     Well if you’re looking for a new tag line, how about ‘cheaper than cocaine’.

Brant – laughs nervously… Perhaps wondering if I’m a cop?

Me:     My brother is a cop you know.

Cue awkward silence…

Moments later…

Brant: I presume you two are a couple?”

Me:     Let’s hope so, otherwise I just paid $7 to eat a crepe with a stranger and a bunch of carnies…”

Brant: It’s just that sometimes I say that and I find out that people are brother and sister.

Me:     Wow.  I’d probably need harder drugs before I considered something like that.

Brant: Yeah, too right.

Me:     That was a joke.

Cue blank stare…

And that right there kids, is why we should just say no.

Reader Question:  What have you had to ‘just say no to?’